How did I get here? Its been 3 months and although im having some okay days, that question still hits me like a ton of bricks. How is it now all I have are photos and prints to look at, how is it everywhere I go I see painful reminders of what I so nearly had, hearing her beautiful name being called out loud but then realizing its for another parents child, they get to have that. How is it that I have to put away all her things that we planned to use. How is it now that I have to keep going everyday and say im fine when im screaming inside.
Why did this happen to me, to my beautiful little girl. Im heartbroken.

I'm so sorry A. I've asked myself that same question time and time over the past three months. How did we get here. How did this happen to us (not that you'd wish this on anyone). How is this even real.

Life is just so unfair sometimes xx

Oh A,
It is so unfair your daughter isn't here. The hows and whys and what ifs were my circling thoughts that kept me up at night those first few months. Almost two years out, I occasionally ask them... How is it she's not here? She should be turning two this month toddling around and making trouble. But the questions don't consume me anymore. I know what happened medically. I know that just as much as why me - why not me? I have accepted she is gone. My arms no longer physically ache. It still knocks me to my knees now and then, but I get up quicker.

It's just a horrible thing to go through and it changes you. I am sending you a big hug. So sorry you are going through this.

I'm so sorry A! I am feeling exactly the same as you right now. We lost our little girl 5 and a half weeks ago. It just sucks!! I want her back so much.

S, you are right, it's so unfair.

Thank you ladies for your replies. I agree, my head knows what has happened but my heart doesnt. I dont think I will ever accept it, it just should not happen and our babies should still be here. Thinking of you all.