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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > She was my sunshine

We were having vry beautiful girl Ryka.shr was our everything. Her eyes and face was so beautiful.she was my first child.she was only 20 month old.but she was having congenial heart defect by birth. But she was recivering and vry happy child. She dance when she see me comimg from office. She called me mumma.her voice was so so sweet. Her doctors planned her open heart surgery on 23jan and told us she will be defenetily ok after surgery. Bt she dint recovered. She was a smiling and happy child on 23jan bt she was no more on 24jan. I am not recovering from this pain. I am not believimg my girl is no more. I dont know what i will do. I am shattered. She was my everything. She was my hope of life. I live her oll the way. I used to buy daily new thimgs for her. I am her mother. I want to see her once atleast. I am crying. I cant live without her.
February 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRyka's mother
Ryka's mother,

I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl Ryka, life can be so incredibly cruel. Ryka sounds like she was a ray of sunshine and brought you so much joy in her short 20 months here. Her life being cut short is so devastating and unfair. How horrible to see her off in surgery thinking that she would recover instead you have entered into a nightmare that you can not wake up from, one day she is here and very much alive and the next she is gone forever,

It is still so raw for you, not even a month, I'd imagine you are still in a hazy fog and very numb, as well as being in denial. You poor poor mother I am really hurting with you. To walk into your house without her, to see her belongings, hear her voice and see her as if she is there but she is not, it's a nightmare at first and that is an understatement.

Today marks 24 weeks since my 13 day old daughter died, it's 2:30am and I have been crying and aching for my baby tonight. Just tonight we went to her resting place to change her flowers and clean her headstone and I had the sudden urge to dig my baby up and cuddle her, to loose a child is so unnatural and goes against the natural order of things. My baby Tilly never came home, so we have no visual memories of her being here, only in my belly, yet our house seems so quite all of a sudden. Even I still look at baby girl bits and pieces wishing I could buy them for her, it must be very hard for you now that you suddenly don't have her to spoil and give 100% of your love and attention to all day.

I hope you have family and friends around you at the moment, it's impossible to function in the beginning so I hope you have support to help you with everyday basic tasks. This community is a great support. The grief process is complicated and painful, but you will survive this. In the beginning all I kept asking other child loss mothers was "Will I survive this and still be sane?", and every one of them said yes. You find a strength within, I don't believe in much but I do believe that your child gives you a strength you never knew you had.

Be kind to yourself, Ryka's mother.
February 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTilly's mum
Ryka's mom...I hear your sadness, I feel your pain. I want you to know I am thinking about you and sending you strength everyday. I lost y 15 month daughter, my first and only child, to a genetic disorder last January. There one day, gone the next. I was in shock for a very long time. Denial, very very angry, depressed. I still struggle with these things. I still cry if not outwardly, inwardly every day when I look t her picture, when I am walking. She is my last thought everyday, and my first thought every morning. Sometimes it feels like a dream, like this world can't be real. It feels most days like the world is upside down and backward but I am the only one who sees it. It is hard to relate to anyone. It is hard to care about anything. I hope you will be gentle with yourself. One day at a time. That is all you can do. For me, I have doing yoga every morning beside my altar for her makes me feel like we are together every morning for our routine and I can bow, and send love to her intentionally after every session, no matter how long or short. I had some of her ashes inset in a simple sea glass pendant that I wear everyday, and with that I am feel I am carrying her with me though my everyday on the outside and in my heart. I write about her. I let myself cry when I want, and I isolate myself when I want to. I try to be in touch with what my body and mind are needing to stay calm in my everyday, and true to her memory. I try to feel as though she is with me everyday, everywhere. I hope you too find a way to feel that, and hold your daughter with you. "I will carry you hear and there, there and here, until I am where you are."
No one should experience this loss, this inescapable pain. I am sending you my love. -P
March 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPS