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glow in the woods

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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > A lady stopped to ask directions today

A lady stopped me in the car park today. She asked directions to Marks and Spencers. I pointed out the back door - lots of steps - she must have been 70 or so and showed her how to get to the front door too. " thank you" she said, "you are very kind, I'm meeting my daughter for coffee."
That's lovely - enjoy yourself" I said.
Finally I felt my heart break.
My beautiful, longed for, only child - a daughter - died 9 weeks ago a few hours after she was born.
I will never meet her for coffee.
I so want to.

I have been hovering on the edge of this website pretty much since she died.
It has given me comfort and when I needed it, the pain of others.
To know I am anything but alone is dreadful but less lonely.
January 28, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKE
I am so sorry for your loss, you are not alone. hugs to you
January 28, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterstill0517
KE, that's the worst..

I struggle with that too, my daughter died 21 weeks ago and it hits me like that as well. Sometimes I think to myself 'we are not promised anything, those people are lucky they made it that far", I don't know why I think that. Tilly died in August and around Christmas time in my hometown three young men died, all popular beautiful boys 8, 15 and 24.

Sometimes I wonder if loosing a child in the majority rather than minority.

January 28, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTilly's mum
I am sorry for your loss. This grief seems to just hit you out of nowhere, suddenly you are back to that day. That hour that minute living the nightmare over and over. Sometimes, its a random comment, that takes gge carpet from under you. Its hard and awful and I don't know how any of us keep getting up.
January 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterEmma
I'm so sorry you lost your daughter. I'm glad that you found this place. These moments where an everyday interaction pierces your heart are so hard to manage. For me, it has always felt like swimming in the ocean and getting pulled under. It feels overwhelming and disorienting. I'm 4.5 years out from losing my daughter and they still occur, though not as often. The reminders of every stage we will miss are very hard. Wishing youcomfort on the road ahead. XO
January 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAurelia
It's so hard, isn't it? Grieving the baby, the infant, the toddler, the young girl, the teenager, the college student, the woman. All of the iterations of that one being, your beautiful daughter, at once. Please know you are welcome and wanted here. If or when you feel up to it, please feel free to share your story and any of your feelings, no matter how dark, cruel, bitter, or sad. I hang on to Glow for dear life at times. Sending love to you.
January 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNM
It's funny and remarkably cruel how the strangest most commonplace things can trigger you. Sunday, I sat in church behind a mother and daughter, hugging, embracing, and it broke me. My daughter is gone. Her physical absence still so painful at times.

Aurelia- yes it's like being dragged under again.

NM- I loved what you write about grieving the loss at every age. We must grieve the loss of all of those stages.

It just hurts like hell still sometimes.

KE and everyone here. I am so sorry for your loss. I am so grateful for your honesty and truth.
January 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKim