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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > Did you name your baby after early loss?

My husband and I just miscarried our second baby last Thursday. I had a D&C Friday so the doctor could do chromosomal testing. It dawned on us that the results will reveal the sex of our child. We're thinking about naming the baby once we know. Has anyone else done this? Or named the baby even when you didn't know the sex? It doesn't seem right to name one without the other, even though we aren't sure of the first baby's sex.
January 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterReese Adams
I'm so sorry for your losses. Our daughter Shelby was stillborn at 20 weeks almost 4 years ago. We had a miscarriage at 9 weeks before her and didn't name the baby. We also had subsequent very early miscarriages and didn't name them. I think you should do whatever feels right for you. If you want to name this baby go ahead, and if you'd like to give a gender neutral name to your first as well it might seem more right for you?

There aren't any rules, you do what feels right and what you want. Take care x
January 9, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShelby's Mum
I agree with Shelby's Mum, do what feels right for you. I had two early losses before my daughter was stillborn. We didn't name the early miscarriages but we did name our daughter.
January 10, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAB
What I have learned here is that rules stop applying!
I named my 3rd pregnancy before I was even pregnant! I think before even starting trying! My third was Hope, and I always think it as a baby girl!
Hope never developed, she was a blighted egg... I only named my current baby on the way much much later! After 28 weeks, when we felt the survival rate outside the womb was... sufficient!
My advice is, do it if you feel like it, because it is your affirmation that you had him or her, even if only for a short time... But if you're planning for more, don't choose the only one name you think is perfect... because you'll want open options on the next!

It is your grieving process, do as you feel more confortable inhonouring his/her memory if you so choose!
January 11, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMarta
Do whatever feels right for you. A year after my daughter Zia was stillborn, I had a miscarriage, a very early one, a few weeks in fact. I named that baby Breeze, because of the gentleness and briefness of the pregnancy. I wasn't even aware of the baby. I am sorry for your loss.
January 12, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJo-Anne
I had fraternal twins, one of which was lost at 17 weeks, and Grace was lost three months ago tomorrow at age three years three months. When naming Grace, we actually chose Tamsin for her third name, which means "twin" in Cornish, and when referring to the twin, we always called it Tamsin, though we never knew whether it was a boy or girl.
March 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPaula
You should absolutely do whatever feels right for you. We never knew the sex of either of our babies. But named them both. It was something I needed, for my grieving. We had both felt very strongly that our first baby was a boy. So when we lost him at 13 weeks, we named him Seamus. And we lost our second baby very early, at 6 weeks. Again, we both had a strong feeling she was a girl and named her Pepper. For others, it may feel weird to assume the sex or to name a baby you lost so early. But as others have said, there are no rules. Do what feels right for you, what helps you heal.
April 3, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJo