search discussions

glow in the woods

front page
the archives
what is this place?
the contributors
comment policy
contact

Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > Post-partum anxiety and medications

Let me just preface this post by saying that I recognize that everyone is different and that final decisions need to be made in consultation with a dr, but I was curious to hear experiences of those who considered anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds after their losses. My son died just over four months ago, and my anxiety has been pretty bad. It ebbs and flows in its intensity but it is always there at least on some level. I just met with a dr who thinks I have post-partum depression (she said anxiety is a common system of this), and that she would recommend zoloft. She knows we would like to get pregnant again, and said that in general, the benefits outweigh the risks. Did anyone go on any medications? What was your thinking/experience like? What changed for you? Did anyone have anxiety more than depression, and was your medication helpful? If relevant, did you stay on the medication while TTC, during pregnancy or afterwards? I have trouble with this idea of risks versus benefits, because it seems like I get the benefits but any future baby gets the risks. Luckily, I am not worried about hurting myself or self-medicating, so I do not need to consider those factors. Thanks in advance.
September 12, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDA
Hi DA, yes, I've been on Zoloft (the lowest possible dose) since about 4 months after losing my daughter in June 2014. For me, at the beginning it really made the difference between being really in the dumps, and being able to get out of the house, to the gym, to dinner with my husband, to meet a friend for coffee...I was on it through the rainbow pregnancy with my son and only now that he's 9 months am I thinking of weaning myself off of it...I also saw a therapist and went to a perinatal loss grief group and those were of huge comfort too. Thinking of you and hoping you find ways to help that work for you. Be patient with yourself, it can be hard to find that path.
September 12, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAB
I feel ya, DA. My daughter died at full-term three months ago, and I feel anxiety all the time now too. I for sure think I have postpartum depression. How would I not? People whose babies LIVE can get it, and look what happened to us?!?!! I was prescribed Paxil, but I have not taken it because I have a mental hangup about medicating my grief. I also was concerned about the effect of the meds on a potential new pregnancy, although we have not "tried" yet anyway.

I agree w/ AB on the therapist. It took me two tries, but I just found someone who is a great fit and who is really helping my mental state already. I never thought I'd be an advocate for counseling b/c before this person, every other session I've had with anyone was like talking to a wall where the other person just listened and said everything I felt was normal. For me individual counseling has been much more helpful than group. I've been to a couple different support groups, one of which was specifically for infant loss. I know we're not supposed to rank losses, but I left the group feeling even sorrier for myself b/c I always felt like my story was the worst. Even within an infant loss group, no one else had a similar story at all and I felt even lonelier by going. So like everything with this uncharted, awful path, I think it's a "find what works for you and screw it if it's not what works for someone else" situation, whether that's meds, therapy, nothing, etc.
September 13, 2016 | Unregistered Commenteranon
DA, I'm sorry for the loss of your baby. Four months out was hard, somehow harder than three.

I started Zoloft when I was a couple months pregnant with our first rainbow baby, about 9 or 10 months after Joseph's stillbirth. I did it for the anxiety that came with pregnancy, imagining all the things that could go wrong. I didn't intend to start meds but when my OB referred me to a psychiatrist after I was crying in her office about how scared I was this baby, too, would die, I thought it might help. I wasn't worried about any risks to the baby. I stayed on a low dose until a few months post-partum when I felt like I wasn't so anxious anymore. I think it helped. You never know, of course, how much worse or better things could have been with or without meds. But I'm glad I took them.

I considered going back on Zoloft several times for my second rainbow baby, but if had a lot of nausea coming off it before and I didn't want to go through that again. Now I am four months postpartum and back on Zoloft because I've had a really hard time coping with this postpartum time and parenting two living children and working. I think if I'd started back on Zoloft earlier I wouldn't be feeling this anxious and depressed, and it wasn't the best thing for my fear of future nausea to have kept me from starting sooner.

Good luck.
Burning Eye
September 15, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBurning Eye