for one and all > No Baby = New Job
Dear Anonymous,
My experience is slightly different but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. My first loss was over 2 years ago, when my son Hunter was stillborn at 39 weeks. I continued to work at the company I was at, but unfortunately, had two subsequent losses last year (one was an early miscarriage and the other was a medical termination). I was so traumatised by everything that I ended up quitting my job, I felt I had to stop the cycle of loss and returning to work. I started my own work project earlier this year, and also fell pregnant again..but devastatingly had a miscarriage in May at 14 weeks. I've been trying to throw myself into my new project, but it's not without it's challenges. Some days are totally fine and I keep myself busy and distracted, but other days I feel so helpless and desperately sad. These are not necessarily words of encouragement, but hopefully you will find comfort knowing I understand and am here with you.
Shannon.
My experience is slightly different but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. My first loss was over 2 years ago, when my son Hunter was stillborn at 39 weeks. I continued to work at the company I was at, but unfortunately, had two subsequent losses last year (one was an early miscarriage and the other was a medical termination). I was so traumatised by everything that I ended up quitting my job, I felt I had to stop the cycle of loss and returning to work. I started my own work project earlier this year, and also fell pregnant again..but devastatingly had a miscarriage in May at 14 weeks. I've been trying to throw myself into my new project, but it's not without it's challenges. Some days are totally fine and I keep myself busy and distracted, but other days I feel so helpless and desperately sad. These are not necessarily words of encouragement, but hopefully you will find comfort knowing I understand and am here with you.
Shannon.
August 1, 2016 |
Shannon
Shannon
Anonymous,
I don't have time to write much. But I have to tell you that I posted something very, very similar more than three years ago. I got some wonderful responses that helped me so much. I will post the link, maybe this will be helpful for you too. I am wishing you all the best for tomorrow.
http://glowinthewoods.squarespace.com/discussion/post/2118780
I don't have time to write much. But I have to tell you that I posted something very, very similar more than three years ago. I got some wonderful responses that helped me so much. I will post the link, maybe this will be helpful for you too. I am wishing you all the best for tomorrow.
http://glowinthewoods.squarespace.com/discussion/post/2118780
August 1, 2016 |
B
B
I just wanted to offer you some words of support.
going back to work *can* be a very good thing in terms of distraction. if you can find that headspace to get lost in the work, it is a relief to get away from the daily grind of the grief. but I mean, the grief is always going to be there again, at the end of the day, so, it is an opportunity to take a break from the inevitable.
I went back to the same job and it was so hard to accept this new-old reality of being at work and nothing was different. the previous year, I was totally psyching myself up about "next year I am going to have a newborn too!", getting excited about it, and then, baby died and everything was the same. I had many episodes of crying in the bathroom at work.
but the distraction was good, overall. I was a waitress/owner of a restaurant, and most of the time, I didn't have time to think about anything except the tasks at hand. but by the time I got home and sat on the couch- the 8 hours of tears came back to me. I guess there is no way to escape it, and that is actually a good thing, because the best way to get thru the grief process is to just go thru it as it comes.
best to you.
going back to work *can* be a very good thing in terms of distraction. if you can find that headspace to get lost in the work, it is a relief to get away from the daily grind of the grief. but I mean, the grief is always going to be there again, at the end of the day, so, it is an opportunity to take a break from the inevitable.
I went back to the same job and it was so hard to accept this new-old reality of being at work and nothing was different. the previous year, I was totally psyching myself up about "next year I am going to have a newborn too!", getting excited about it, and then, baby died and everything was the same. I had many episodes of crying in the bathroom at work.
but the distraction was good, overall. I was a waitress/owner of a restaurant, and most of the time, I didn't have time to think about anything except the tasks at hand. but by the time I got home and sat on the couch- the 8 hours of tears came back to me. I guess there is no way to escape it, and that is actually a good thing, because the best way to get thru the grief process is to just go thru it as it comes.
best to you.
August 1, 2016 |
ss
ss
Oh, you lovely ladies - your kindness and support are more appreciated than I can say. I'm so grateful to you for sharing your experiences and reminding me that I'm not alone, and that sadly I'm not the first or last person who will have to do this. I can draw some courage and solace from that.
Shannon, I'm so sorry that Hunter is not with you and for your other losses as well. We too had a medical termination, and then our perfectly healthy 'rainbow' was stillborn at 39 weeks. It sucks (all of it), but I'm glad you are taking care of yourself and have been able to seek out a solution that works better for you. Hugs to you -
B, thanks for sharing the advice you got when you traveled this road. I may never have found that in the forums, and there were so many good tips. I still need a practiced speech and a safe spot - just in case.
ss, thank you for reminding me that the grief is just part of my new gig - that it goes where I go - and that that is how it should be.
This is the saddest of sisterhoods, but I'm continually amazed by the bravery and generosity of the other moms here.
Oh, and my day was mostly a good one. No tears until I was on the way home. Thank you all again for thinking of me.
Shannon, I'm so sorry that Hunter is not with you and for your other losses as well. We too had a medical termination, and then our perfectly healthy 'rainbow' was stillborn at 39 weeks. It sucks (all of it), but I'm glad you are taking care of yourself and have been able to seek out a solution that works better for you. Hugs to you -
B, thanks for sharing the advice you got when you traveled this road. I may never have found that in the forums, and there were so many good tips. I still need a practiced speech and a safe spot - just in case.
ss, thank you for reminding me that the grief is just part of my new gig - that it goes where I go - and that that is how it should be.
This is the saddest of sisterhoods, but I'm continually amazed by the bravery and generosity of the other moms here.
Oh, and my day was mostly a good one. No tears until I was on the way home. Thank you all again for thinking of me.
August 1, 2016 |
anonymous
anonymous
And today, the waves of grief are hitting especially hard (the gasping crying that has been mostly gone for months is happening). So I would greatly appreciate words of wisdom, encouragement, or experience - or any good thoughts you might hold for us - as I move into this new phase of accepting what is .... and what is not.