Hi all.

So, my sister (whose hen night was quite traumatic for me due to the unexpected presence of two pregnant people) gets married on Sunday. This time, there will be SIX pregnant people there (and numerous babies).

I know this time, so at least I have bracing time and can up my antidepressants, but it's going to be a really hard day for me. Especially as people keep saying 'i bet you're really excited!' and .... I am, my sister's getting married, but I'm more weary and stressed and kind of wishing that when she said it was entirely up to me whether I was a bridesmaid or not that I'd actually realised how stressful it would be and said no so i could have melted into the background instead :(

if you could send brave thoughts to me on sunday that would be much appreciated.

it sucks that i can't just be nice plain excited that my sister is getting married :(

and it sucks even more that as she has PCOS that i'm already worried that she'll have difficultly trying to conceive :(

B, you will most definitely be in my thoughts. It is hard enough being around a pregnant woman here and there... but to have to be around so many at one time (no less at an occasion when everyone is under pressure to be happy) is too much to ask. All I can say is that you should do whatever it is you need to do to get through the day. If that means taking some stolen moments to yourself, then that is perfectly fine. Don't feel guilty that you have mixed emotions about your sister's wedding. You've been through so much and momentous events like weddings (especially events with so many pregnant women in attendance) seem to amplify all of the difficult and complicated feelings.

Thinking of you, B. I hope it goes as well as it can, and that the day is overshadowed by your joy for your sister (it's clearly there, despite your own pain, I can hear it in your post).

My best friend got married last month, a little more than two months after my daughter, Pearl, was stillborn. I thought it was going to suck, I really truly did. I was her matron of honor, I have a post-partum body and no baby, and every single daydream I'd had of her wedding had included my new baby (she booked the place the week I found out I was pregnant). But it was magically okay, it really was a lovely and happy day despite "what should have been." For me at least, the days before the wedding were a lot harder, the anticipation of how hard it would be. Once the wedding day arrived we were all so busy and my friend was so gloriously happy, I found myself in the moment despite myself. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you have a similar experience, or at the very least...that it's not too bad and it's over soon. xoxox

Any wedding full of happy people is something I would avoid it possible. I fact I am not attending a wedding this Saturday. The bride is a wonderful person, but there's no way I can face a room full of friends from university and pretend that I am okay to the ones that know or tell the ones that don't or even worse have to see those who have had babies since Reid died.

I know you can't skip your sister's wedding but I agree with M, that if you can find a way to keep busy that at the very least it will make the whole wedding weekend pass more quickly. (I've never been to a wedding in the UK but at every wedding I've ever been to there was lots of work to do) I know it will be a really tough situation to be in, being surrounded by babies and pregnant happy people, but hopefully you can focus on your sister and ignore the rest.

I'll be thinking you and sending strength your way.

I'm going to a wedding tomorrow and I can't say I'm looking forward to it terribly either. But I'm with m, I know that as a general rule the anticipation is worse than the actual event. I hope you manage to enjoy your sister's day and that it will be 'magically okay' somehow.

You should be proud of yourself that you didn't back out of being her bridesmaid. I that that she will really appreciate your being there for her.

Will be sending my bestest, bravest thoughts to you on Sunday.

I'm so sorry B, but you should be very proud of yourself that you are going to be there for your sister, and I'm sure she appreciates it so much. I will be sending good thoughts on Sunday, and I hope the whole thing just flies by. xoxo

Thank you all for understanding how hard this is, it really helps. Especially as hardly anyone in the 'real world' really understands.

I'm about to leave now... back Monday. Will report back then. I'm hoping that it's not as hard as I'm anticipating like you all suggest.

Thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts.

I'm definitely sending you lots of brave thoughts. You're probably not going to see this until afterwards, but just remember how many people are rooting for you to have a good day.

Good luck for today B. I will be sending 'be brave' thoughts to you. I actually had an unexpectedly lovely time at yesterday's wedding and I hope the same is true for you today. xo

the wedding isn't for a little while yet but i'm coping well.... have even dealt with two pregnant women without getting upset at all. am hoping that things stay this way.
my front tooth has rebroken, though. it was only mended about ten days ago and normally lasts six months or so. we're hoping to stick it all together again so it's ok for the pics...... what a nightmare though!

thank you all for keeping me in your thoughts x

well i was mostly ok during the day before and the day of... she was obviously so happy and they obviously love each other very much and it kind of rubbed off on me, and i was so happy for them that i forgot about the rest for most of the time.

it was only after the meal that things started to get hard. all my duties were done and the formal part of the day was over and that was when i started to think about how different things could have been. and i kind of just wanted to sit with D or on my own once he'd left (he went to bed earlier than me) but people kept thinking 'oh beth's on her own, i'll go talk to her' and that was hard too when i just wanted some time to myself.

and today i'm gutted and teary... obviously partly because after all the excitement it's easy to feel low, but also because my sis lives in another country and i guess it's only just hit me that she's never coming back to live here. that she lives there now and that her life and her husband are there and that's her home now. that going to visit her will always involve flying and organisation, that i'll never just be able to hop onto a train or into the car to visit.

that if we ever get to have kids they will never know their auntie like they should. that if she has kids i won't know them like i should. and i keep crying.

i miss her so much. before she moved she said she'd never stay more than a couple of years. but things change don't they. and she's happy, and he looks after her and balances her out. and that's all good, but... i miss my sister.

and my other sis is away now and i really wish i could call her and talk to her about it, because i already made my mum cry talking to her about it and my other sis is the only other person who will understand.

but i'm glad my sis is loved and happy. i don't want to sound like i want her to come back and be less happy. i just wish that i could see her more often.

life is hard sometimes. (sometimes? ha. all the time)