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Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.

Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.

for one and all > The HOLE in my heart

Hello Angel, mommy's precious baby. Tomorrow 08/24/10 will be my due date. I'm reminded of what I'd be doing right now if you'd still here. How tomorrow or this week would have been the happiest day of my life. Even though you aren't here with me. I'll celebrate you! You will forever be a part of me that I can never let go.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I may never understand why this happened to me. I do not understand how I pray, cried, and waited for you for over 3 years yet only to be able to carried you inside me for 4 months. What I would give to just have you here with me. I'd die a thousand death for you. I would risk everything for you. I'll take back the days and weeks I complaint of morning sickness if it would bring you back. I don't care if I get so sick as long as I get to be with you and bring you into this world.

However, my dreams of you are cut too short. I miss you Angel. Mommy loves you forever and always.

Some people who never experience this kind of pain will never understand why mommy cries for you, aches for you and long for you. I do not care if people thinks I'm crazy. Yes, I am crazy, crazy for you my precious baby.

I still have a hole in my heart. I think of you everyday.

So here's to you mommy's precious Angel! Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you Angel. Mommy, daddy and big sister loves you very much. I hope that in a few short hours God and the Angels of Heaven will throw you a big and beautiful birthday party. May you rest in God's arms watching over me and knowing that I love you with all my heart and soul. I will never stop loving you.

Love,
Mommy
August 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterC.J. Lee
C.J.,
What a beautiful love note to your angel. I can tell you have a deep, unrelenting love for your baby. I am so, so sorry this happened to you. My daughter's due date was August 25th, too. You and your family will be in my thoughts tomorrow.
August 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine
Sorry for the error above. I just realized your angel's due date is today. You are in my thoughts today. Hugs.
August 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChristine
CJ - Thinking of you today. The love you have for you Angel is obvious. Sending love.
August 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMaddie