One year ago today we went in for our routine ultrasound at 22 weeks and found out that our baby, Oscar, had died. I gave birth to him the next day. I have been struggling this week, more than I expected. Struggling with his death (from an umbilical cord knot) and struggling with how to honor him today. And now struggling with the fact that no one seems to care.

I have mostly lurked here for the past year. Constantly at first, and then on and off for the last few months when I needed you. But today I feel like I have no one else to talk to. Not one friend or family member has called or even mentioned my son. We received one card - from the bereavement group at the hospital. Not that I want cards or flowers or anything for that matter, but it's so sad to me knowing that I am the only person thinking about my son today. My parents, my sisters, my close friends... not one person has acknowledged this anniversary. Maybe some of it is my fault, it's not like I have been talking about it a ton, but I don't know how to call people up and say, "Hi, do you remember that today is the day my son died?" When I mentioned it to one of my close friends the other day, her response was, "Wow, it seems like it was so much longer ago." and then she went on to talk about something else trivial that happened last summer.

My husband seems like he just doesn't want to talk about it, which has been the case from the day the baby died. I am trying to respect that he needs to deal with Oscar's death in his own way, but it has been, and continues to be difficult to not have his support.

I miss my son terribly today and I feel all alone and sad for him that he is not remembered by more than just his mom. And I guess I just needed to say it somewhere in company that would understand.

I'm thinking about your Oscar today.

I'm sorry he is not with you.

I hope you receive a few moments of peace today or a kind word from somewhere unexpected. I'll sit with you awhile in remembrance, if you'd like.

Is there anything you want to tell us about Oscar? Anything you want to share, from the pregnancy or his birth or your time with him? I would love to hear about him.

Emily, I am in tears reading your post. I am so sorry that you don't have the support you need right now. God, how I wish this journey wasn't such a lonely one. I've struggled to understand how it is that people can turn their backs when we all need them most, but have yet to find some reasonable explanation.

I'm glad you came to us today. We all care and will continue to care.

Thinking of you and Oscar today.... wishing you love and peace.

Thinking of you and baby Oscar. Lovely name for a little baby boy. Much love on your boy's birthday.

I will remember Oscar with you today. I hope you find some peace today.

Peace be with you. Thinking of you and your precious baby Oscar today.

I'll remember Oscar today and light a candle for you and him tonight. I'm sorry you feel so alone.

I'm not sure this is helpful, but this is what I plan to do. I know no one will remember, I didn't get any phone calls on the due date, so I have a plan to MAKE them remember.

When the march of dimes does their walk this year I am going to participate and send out pledge cards to all of my friends and family in Aiden's name. When his birthday comes around I will send a request for people to light a candle and think of us that day. I'm sure I will have lots of people that won't respond, but they will think of Aiden when they get those. I will know he existed and so will they.

That is a hard thing for us, that everyone forgets, and we never will.

((Hugs))

Emily, we share something in common in a way, today would have been my son's 10 month birthday. I am so sorry that Oscar is not with you, there are no words that can express the sorrow I feel for how very much we all miss our babies. Thinking of him today and wishing you some peace.

Thinking of you and Oscar today and hoping you have some gentle moments.

Emily - I'm so sorry you feel alone today.

I'm thinking of your Oscar today - he won't be forgotten.

Much love,
Sarah

Emily,

I don't know where on this earth that you live, but I am in Tampa Bay, FL. I care about you. I care about Oscar. I am thinking of you. I will be thinking of you when I drive home from work, when I eat dinner, and when I lay my tired, confused, and sad head on my tearstained pillow tonight. My daughter Anna's 1st birthday is the 26th. (If she were alive, that is.) I am so sorry. I can't believe that this happened to any of us. WTF?!? Your son matters, and you are not alone.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and thoughts. It is so heartwarming to come here just now and read your posts. I wish I knew you all personally so that I could be surrounded by such caring women in "real life".

I don't get to talk about Oscar often, though I think about him all of the time. Nobody asks and the times I have brought him up, I can tell it makes people uncomfortable. My pregnancy with him great. His heartbeat had been strong, we heard it a number of times, including 4 days before the ultrasound. I had just starting feeling him move about a week before. So it was a complete shock to go to the ultrasound and find out he had died. He was born the next morning. He was smaller than he should have been for his age, but he was a perfect little baby boy. I always remember his tiny fingers and toes.

Mindy - I'm sorry that we have this date in common. I wish you comfort today as well.

And for everyone, thank you again.

Emily - Remembering Oscar and thinking of you today.

Like Jen, I think I'm going to go down the 'making people remember' path and send out a letter asking them if they can light a candle or make a donation in Matilda's name.

Emily - huge hugs.

Maddie x

hi emily i am thinking of you and oscar all the way over in australia today, it is the fifth day of winter here, but a beautiful crisp sunny day. i hope that oscar and harvey have found each other and are running and playing together. pregnancy is such a solitary journey, really, its just a connection between you and your child, regardless of whether anyone else remembers, that connection will always remain what it was, no one can ever take that away from you, sending love xxx

Emily, I'm a day late, but I want you to know I'm thinking of Oscar too. He is not forgotten. x

I am also thinking of your son, Emily. I am so sorry that he is not with you. Thank you for letting us know him a little bit and thank you for letting us honor his memory.

Emily, I'm so sorry. I hope that Oscar's days passed peacefully for you. It is hard when nobody else seems to acknowledge the children that we love so much, it can feel terribly lonely. x