I found myself telling the story of Will's birth and short life and death to a friend the other night. He was my friend through Tiger's death but Will pre-dated our friendship. He was an amazing active listener- in a way that made me feel like I was honoring Will. It gave me a kind of peace to tell our story... to someone that knew how to listen.

It got me thinking about how rare it is to actually tell the story. Although I could retell the days of my boys life at any moment if asked- who asks that? how often is there a time and space for these stories? All the stars need to align for not only their story to be told but for it to be received.

And when I retell the story- I learn something new... about how my boys have made their way in our world, how they have changed us. I think it may be important, over time, to find the space to retell our children's story- how it has evolved, who they have become.

I'm wondering if others find themselves re-telling their story? Is this why so many of you blog? Did you write it down and if so do you go back to it? Or do you keep your children's story to yourself?

How wonderful that you had a good listener, they are truly not very common.
I did write down my daughter's birth and death story, and I sometimes do go back to it if I'm feeling strong.
I find I sometimes would like to tell her story, but really no one wants to hear it, not all of it, not even part of it.
I've found people prefer to make assumptions, to keep their world safe, and they are truly shocked when/if they find out that actually no, I had no pregnancy problems, and yes Florence was born normally at home, and no, she was fine until about an hour after birth, and no we don't really know why she died. x

Sooze,

I agree with what you said.

I don't blog because I don't know how and am too weary to learn. What I do is email a few people about once per month, my thoughts and snipits of my story when I feel like I want and need to. Over time, the list has shrunk, but the remaining supporters are the best people in my life. Writing to them always helps me feel lighter and more understood.

Until you wrote that you learn something new each time, I hadn't realized that I do too.
I feel closer to my daughter, and more sure about my footing. And you are right, the people that read/listen to my words are genuinely interested, and active listeners. Of course that makes all the difference.

Thanks for the enlightenment.

Diana

Sooze, there is a power in writing it down or speaking it, isnt there? That's why I blog, to tell Henry's story so that someday when Im stronger I may go back and have the pieces (though Im not sure they will ever fit together the way I imagine they should). Im so glad you found a good listener, I think thats an amazing gift.

love to you...
Mindy

I've had very few people listen... really listen... to me when I've talked of Juliet and her tiny moments of life. You are right, Sooze, that it is a gift to find those people who will sit with you in the all the sadness and pain, with out fear or discomfort. I will always be grateful to those people.

i think it is definitely so important to be able to find someone who you can tell your story to. for some of you the story of life and death are so closely linked and in telling the story of their death you are actually telling the story of your little ones life. to find someone who will listen and make you feel safe when you are telling the story is beautiful. especially if you can proudly describe your little ones features or smell, the physical things that mums can all talk about. no-one has really given me the opportunity to do this, i think because harveys prognosis was bad from day one, everyone expected he would die anyway xxx