I'm Cara and I'm a dead baby mama. My son died at birth a month ago and I have started into the bitter and sarcastic phase of grief. (Well bitter and sarcastic in between massive crying fits and then trying to be "normal" for my 2 year old) I need to be around other people who get that when I say "My baby last month died isn't a good conversation starter for a cocktail reception" I am trying to be funny and it's a sign of progress.

My son's story is here: http://hellogoodbyenow.blogspot.com/p/yesterday.html

Hello Cara, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son and that you find yourself joining this club. I hope you find a little comfort here at Glow in the Woods, I know I have.

Nearly twenty months out for me but I can still do the bitter and sarcastic phase with the best of them at times. When my unsuspecting uncle casually enquired after the 'wrong' twin a few months after she'd died , my husband and I cackled 'still dead' which left him slightly disturbed but, bizarrely, made us feel much better.

I think I can speak for most of us here (hopefully not being presumptuous) when I say, we get the joke and we'll laugh with you. Then we'll cry with you too.

C x

Oh, Cara, I'm so sorry. Your loss of Reid is just incomprehensible. How terrible and sad. Bitter and sarcastic is a good thing, truly it is. It means that, even in the face of such unimaginable pain, there's still a lot of fight in you. There's nothing wrong with seeing the dark humor in all of this. I'd rather believe that Fate has a wicked sense of humor, instead of just being totally nasty and unjust.

As Catherine said, we're here. We'll get the wry laughter. We'll get the tears.

You and Reid will be in my thoughts.

Oh, Cara. I'm so very sorry you are joining us, but glad you found us.

I laughed when I read that it's not a good conversation starter. It's not, but it'll freeze everyone in their tracks, so it's a real show stopper if you're looking for an grand entrance or exit.

Black humor can be a very healing thing. There are a lot of inappropriate dead baby jokes in our house. We're here to sit with you and laugh with you and mourn with you, whichever you need, as you need it.

Cara,

As Groucho Marx said (and Woody Allen often quotes) I wouldn't want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member. Sorry- but we'll both have you and want you.

There are a number of recent babyloss moms here- you are in understanding company.

I lost my Will when my daughter was two. (and my Tiger when she was almost 5). It's so complicated. Helpful and impossible I found. Happy to commiserate about that anytime.

After we lost Tiger, we were at a baseball game and a friend took my girl and 3 other kids to get ice cream- just to the concession stand. I was a mess- a goddamn mess. When, what seemed liked hours and was only minutes, she came back and I fell back in my seat and said out loud to my husband, "Oh thank god- she's ok!". He said, "that's good 'cause we're certainly not crankin' the out'. To which I broke out in hysterical laughter making all of our friends weirdly uncomfortable.

10 months later I still need a dose of dark sick humor from time to time.

You're in a good place to feel anything that you need to Cara. Take care of yourself.

warmly,
Sooze

I'm so very sorry you are without your little boy. I'm glad you've found us all here. We are all sitting with you and willing to listen. x

I'm so sorry your little guy isn't here. I get the humour - it's necessary and healing, I think. Sending much love.

I'm so sorry for your loss Cara but welcome. My old blog was more about my loss of my twins if you would like to go back and read some of the old posts. www.survivingbaby.wordpress.com but don't be shy about asking for the password to my new blog as well. I still write about loss a lot but also about what's happening with me now and trying to move forward.

Big hugs.

I am so sorry for your loss - my little boy was born on 2nd April too, although he lived for a few days after and i was also vbac-ing.

I am so dreadfully sorry that we've had little boys across the Atlantic that were twinned in such a sad way :( Many hugs.