which means a lot of our due dates are imminent.

does anyone else want to go far, far away and hide from everything and everyone until it's june and this shitty month is over?

i was ok this morning. but today is getting harder and harder.

Yes, Devyn's actual due date was in May, even though he was born earlier. "April shower s bring May"... tears, for me.

What date was Devyn due Paula?

I'm sorry he isn't there with you. It's not fair.

Thinking of all of you for whom May will be a particular difficult time.
xo

Oh, yes, I'd love to go far, far away. I'm actually doing slightly better than I was a few days ago (when I was in a pit of despair so deep that I was scaring my family). I just want next weekend to be past us.

I'm thinking about all of you.

Thinking of you all, sending you love. You will get through this.

I am going away, although my refuge is now in the proces of being destroyed by the thrice-damned oil spill.

I am so incredibly heartbroken this week and it seems like everything is making it worse. My husband last night said he felt like I was isolating myself/withdrawing. I told him I pretty much am - after all, I am the only person on this entire planet that thinks of Aiden all the time. I keep thinking that and then I'm overtaken by intense loneliness.

I hope things are better for us once these sad and terrible dates have passed.

B, I am pretty sure that today should've been your due date. Just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. I hope the day turns out to be less difficult than you imagined it would be.

xo

I don't know if anyone is looking at this thread anymore. I guess I just need to vent regardless. Tomorrow is the day that Juliet should have been born. I feel eerily (and surprisingly) calm. Guess I hit rock bottom about a week ago.

I had the strangest dream last night. I have been fortunate that I have not had any dreams about losing my baby since it happened. Last night, I dreamt that I was in a hospital and thought I was in labor. I looked down and saw my flat stomach (well, clearly not pregnant stomach) and thought: "Oh, I guess the baby dropped... that is why my stomach shrank." I kept thinking: "I don't feel the baby moving." But I was okay. I was calm. I clearly wasn't pregnant, but I was convinced I was. And I was convinced that everything was okay. I woke up feeling totally calm.

What the hell does that mean? Probably means that I'm in denial in some way.But, how can I be in denial? I know my daughter isn't here in my arms today. She's on a damn shelf in my closet. I know this horrible fact is true.