Speaking of things that just catch you off guard and by surprise. . .

I popped onto my Spurs board. I've avoided the actual basketball related area, since the loss on Sunday, because it's just too drama-filled and angsty.

But there is another game coming up and I though, oh, hell, why not. And near the top is a request from someone to help give their baby girl - due Friday, as yet unnamed - a 'Spurs-themed' name.

Likely, it's joke - it's not a poster I recognize. But it really just made me want to cry. All the stupid shoulds rush back in - we should have been dressing Gabriel in Spurs gear and taking pictures of us watching the game and cheering for the Spurs. etc etc. And of course, for fun, it just makes me sort of mad that someone might actually seriously consider taking a message board's responses to choose a name for their child (but I think it's kind of a big responsibility, so I might just be a freak). And of course - why them, not me?

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. It's just a moment and something stupid that hit in a soft spot.

I totally get it. Not only is it about all of the lost moments that you should have had with your son, it hits on the joy and fun that most people have in picking a name for their baby. For those of us who had to give a name to a baby, knowing that we would never be saying that name to a living child, that casualness cuts to the core.

i get it too.

it's not fair that you don't have a living Gabe in your arms.

(pressed to publish too early)

and all that just brings it back.

and steph's last sentence sums it up.

The little stuff hits hard, and you're not alone. Pink Texas Longhorn gear kicks me in the gut, you know, the little white shirts with sparkly pink Bevo logos on them.

It's always those little unexpected things that hurt so much. x

No, it's absolutely not stupid. It's just not. It's important to you and would've been something you'd have shared with Gabriel.