It dawned on me today as i was driving - and it left me a sobbing wreck, so i had to pull over.
The Dr had been giving me morphine all the way through my labour and delivery with Eleanor. This is why she did not breathe - her breathing was suppressed - why did they do that to her? I am beating myself up because I did not realise this. Did they think I was stupid, that I would never know? That she was gently suffocated at birth?
This was her opportunity to have a birth certificate - instead she was 'written off' as a miscarriage :-(
How I hate that word - its used too lightly. I lost my my child - it was more than an inconvenience.....It was a horror that had me silently screaming.

Juju, I'm so sorry. I don't know how morphine works, but that sounds awful. x

So sorry. xo

I'm so sorry, dear heart. Maybe it was meant as a kindness? One of my fears about Gabe's short life is that he suffered because his lung development wouldn't have allowed him to breathe. There was no real evidence of suffering, and he lived for maybe 20 minutes, but I still wonder, in the dark places of my heart, if he was in pain because of that.

Still, to realize this and in such a negative way. . . I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry this realisation is haunting you so much.

Could you speak to the doctor about it? Maybe they could explain why they did so? It can't be any worse than tormenting yourself like this...?

22 weeks is not a miscarriage, it's a stillbirth. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Technicalities be damned.

Thinking of you and Eleanor, Juju.

Miscarriage, spontaneous abortion, fetal tissue...it hurts to have some of those terms thrown at you. I'm with B, technicalities be damned. This was your child, no matter what the age.