search discussions
glow in the woods
front page
the archives
what is this place?
the contributors
comment policy
contact
Parents of lost babies and potential of all kinds: come here to share the technicolour, the vividness, the despair, the heart-broken-open, the compassion we learn for others, having been through this mess — and see it reflected back at you, acknowledged and understood.
Thanks to photographer Xin Li and to artist Stephanie Sicore for their respective illustrations and photos.
Copyright © 2011 Glow in the Woods. All rights reserved. No unauthorized reuse.
I wish I had some advice as to where to donate the milk, but I have no information about that. Just wanted to tell you how much I admire you.
I wasn't sure I wanted to do it at first. I hand expressed anyway, just because I wanted that physical proof that I had given birth. I don't know how much I would be able to get. I did set out to dry up, but then I realized that this was something my body did right. Something that might keep someone alive. I have two living children (out of 5 pregnancies) that I nursed for 3.5 years each. So, making milk is old hat to me. I have ideas of where to donate. I just have to see if I can get enough for them to bother with. But, watching the milk come out is soothing in a weird way.
I know you are new here, and I wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and for having to join us here. I know there is an association that takes donated milk for babies in the NICU, as breastmilk has so many benefits for these sick babies. I'm sure you could info just by Googling it.
I agree that your consideration of continuing to pump and possibly donate is such a selfless thing to do. I have not been in your shoes with donating milk, but I did have to pump exclusively for my son due to him being a preemie. Please feel free to email me if you're looking for advice on full-time pumping, It's a big commitment, but can be done.
I hope that this is a legacy you feel you can continue for your precious baby.
It's not something I did, or considered. We had no pump and while I got engorged and leaked, it was never a great amount. I hadn't even realized I could produce milk at that point; no one had told me. I just wanted the pain in my breasts to stop and never gave thought to whether they could be coaxed to produce milk and donate.
I seem to be an objection but the leaking sore boobs didn't worry me that much afterwards. While Matilda was alive, pumping was one of the few things I could do for her so I had a positive association with it. And it was a physical reminder I'd had a baby. That fact was very surreal to me in the first week or so after she died. I used to look at the photos all the time to make sure it wasn't all a dream.
I lost my baby at 13 weeks but didn't find out until 17 weeks, so I didn't get properly engorged or anything, but I did leak milk for a week or ten days afterwards. It made me sad, but it reassured me - my body didn't understand what had happened, which made it easier for me to accept that my brain couldn't understand, either.
I was sad when it went away.
I'm so sorry you lost your baby. This shouldn't happen to anyone.
You are noble and great. Try a local NICU or lactation consultant at a public health unit.
There was an article in the Oprah magazine roughly 6 months ago about a woman just like you. She had access to a national organization who (greatfully) accpeted the milk for premature infants. Do you live in the states?
The first few months of grief are such hard work. I am impressed by your selflessness and determination.
I think you are referring to the article on our sidebar about lactation (http://www.glowinthewoods.com/how-to-stop-lactation/) in your post. At the bottom there is a piece on donating milk.
Unfortunately, there are pretty high barriers to donating to the milk banks that supply NICUs (for example, they won't take my milk because of where I lived when I was 12 years old). But if qualify and you are willing to jump through those hoops, that's the most reliable official route.
There are also private companies that collect milk (milk depots), and we discuss one famous one in the article. Personally, I don't find their practices ethical, particularly what I find to be deceitful description of their program for mothers whose babies die. They imply that the milk goes to help children, but in fact it goes to a biotech company.
I would really encourage you to look into person-to-person donation. Here's a newly set up forum for the system that we discuss in the article: http://milkshare.forumotion.com/ . They used to run on email lists, but this forum setup looks much easier and friendlier. I have a friend who has used this particular organization a number of times to donate (including in my son's name, and the recipient family sent me a thank you card later, which touched me beyond words), and has only good things to say about it.
I know this must seem a very lonely thing to attempt. We all respond in different ways, and it does seem that most of us have chosen to stop lactation. But I oh, so understand the impulse. I was very tempted to pump myself. In fact, had our friends who had premature twins just weeks earlier been back in town by then (they were born to their surrogate out of state), I very well might have done it. In the end I didn't, in large part because I didn't think my husband and my daughter would handle it very well. But I do so very much understand.
Please let us know what you decide and how it goes for you. ok?
I knew immediately that I wanted to donate, and said so to the midwife taking care of us, my baby barely cold in my arms.
For me, it was powerfully healing, something I needed to do, physical proof of my having given birth and if I couldn't feed Florence, then at least my milk could nourish another baby.
my local hospital breast feeding specialist was useless, but my contacts with LLL and my own research led me to donating to a hospital just around the corner from where my husband works, so he could take the milk in.
I did go in once and to see those freezers full of milk donated by mothers just warmed my heart.
I hope you can find a way to donate. I realise my experiences here in the UK are probably very different to yours, but maybe someone reading this might find my experience helpful.
Good luck, and I hope donating is as healing for you as it was for me.x
I was sad when my milk stopped - it was my last physical sign of my baby. It would have been nice to keep it going for awhile.