Today being a celebration of love and such. Hope everyone has found some peace with those they love.

Bittersweet day indeed. Missing my littlest valentine. Each and every holiday that comes along reminds who is missing. I have always hated Valentine's Day anyway...

Past V-day now, but yesterday was hard. I'm not sure if it was b/c it was a holiday or what. Just felt very, very down. My dh and I didn't really 'do' V-day this year. My highlight was a trip to Wal-mart, being pushed in a wheelchair (yipee). I did pick out some things I'll be needing for the hospital when the time comes. The reality of our loss sinks in deeper each day lately. Sorry to be so down, hoping to push myself to reach out more to RL friends this week...

Good to here from you Eliza and Mindy.

'Tis no fun, is it?

I went to the supermarket. The checkout chick was preoccupied and self-conscious about her lack of significant other on such a red, lacy, in-your-face day. She said she offered to work because others didn't want to, and the boss was paying Sunday rates. Was I doing something special tonight?

No, I laughed. I'm married.

Did you buy your husband something?

No, I said. I used to, years ago. But my husband isn't in the habit of marking the day, so I stopped bothering.

Fair enough, she said. Did you go along to the festival in the park?

No, I said. I drove past and noticed not many people were there. It looked like rain so I didn't bother.

How about the football, then?

No, I said. I don't like football.

Oh, she said. Do you have a frequent shopper card?

Um, no. No, no. No to everything. I stay home. I don't go out. I have a dead baby and that's quite enough. Day one million, four hundred and two thousand, seven hundred and fifty-five of dead babydom and there's nothing much left in life to look forward to.

On the bright side, it was 8pm and the expensive chocolates were discounted. I bought some and made myself a whisky and Coke (or five) and turned the stereo up loud.

I could, because I don't have children.. and, to top it off, I have my period.

What tedium did others endure?

Moops,
Sorry your day sucked. I hate getting my period. So defeating and evil. One more kick in the shins.

Today in Canada is 'Family Day.' A national holiday for most workers. Yes that's right, the day after valentines day. Oh and it is winter here, and my furnace broke.

I got my hair cut and I like it. More fringe this time. (I have an Aussie friend who taught me that word.) I hope that made you smile. So I guess I have my chin up, and can see a little more without all of that hair in the way.

Glad you posted something, hadn't heard from you lately.

Diana

My whole week has been hard. It marked the first of the "celebrations" I have to get through before I even reach my due date. My brother's birthday was Monday, then Valentines day. I'm glad my husband has always hated valentines day, I had gotten used to not celebrating it so it wasn't such a sucker punch. I don't know if I'll ever enjoy a holiday again though, our tragedy seems to be marked by them. Christmas eve was the amnio, New Years Day was his birth, he was due the day after Mother's day. I was supposed to still be pregnant on mine and my dd's birthdays. I just want to ignore the calender, there are just too many reminders of what's missing.

My husband and I went out for dinner last night and someone had the audacity (I kid, but only slightly) to bring a beautiful, tiny baby girl. A nice fancy restaurant, with all couples, and there has to be a baby there. I thought for sure I could have a quiet evening with no intrusion from the world of babies. We ended up talking a lot about our daughter. In a strange way, I think we both feel like we are achieving a tiny bit of acceptance. Still hurts like hell, though.

Jen. we share a lot of similar dates. We lost our dear daughter on the day after Christmas and my due date was the day before Mother's Day. A double whammy of horrible anniversary dates.

Sending peaceful thoughts to all of you.....

Valentine's Day has never been a big to-do for us, just an excuse for a nice meal and chocolates.

We agreed to a carpet picnic and movie. We had trouble finding a movie to agree on - my Dh likes to say he's not much of a 'rom-com' kinda guy, so when he got excited by Three Men and a Little Lady (of all things), we watched that.

No big deal. I think it helps that there was no build-up or link to anything, really. Not tied to anything, and no cycle pressure since I finally ovulated (we enjoyed NOT having sex for a change - we even high-fived that one).

But I either ate something that didn't agree with me or Zoloft is not going to be my friend, because I woke up with intestinal issues and on the point of vomitting. I stayed home from work and felt ok after some more sleep, until I ate something. Yuck.

We've never done Valentine's Day so it wasn't bad for me. Our first wedding annivesary and my birthday are coming up on the 20th and 23rd though and I'm not so much looking forward to them. When I was pregnant we joked about how we wouldn't be doing anything for our anniversary because we thought we'd have a 2 month old baby. Now here we are free to do whatever we want and I don't really feel like doing anything.

Then DH asked what I wanted for my birthday and all I could think was 'I want my baby back'.

Hugs to everyone.

Maddie, I'm sorry rough dates are ahead for you. DH asked what I wanted for my birthday recently (which was odd, given that our birthdays are a month apart and we rarely exchange gifts, generally settling for an especially nice dinner out halfways between them. Maybe because it's my 30th?). All I could think was 'a viable pregnancy, please God.' which I could say to him, but which he incapable of providing me, so I said vaguely I'd not thought about it yet and would soon.

I didn't say what I thought out loud to DH either - it would have just made him sad and if it were within his powers we'd already have her back.