Today was my due date. Instead of still being pregnant, waiting for labor, there are three weeks of snow on Micah's grave. I didn't think today would be easier or harder than any of these other hard days, but the routine of groceries and laundry and getting ready for another week of work is crushing me today. This isn't how this was supposed to go.

What do you do on these days that have meaning to you when the world expects yet another ordinary day?

Turtle, I don't treat it like an ordinary day. I slow down. I play music, I put origami cranes in Will's tree, I light candles and I tell others that this is a day a need to honor. I hope you can give yourself this day- in whatever way you feel would honor your family and your loss. Whatever that means to you- I w hope you don't have to spend a moment pretending that this day, that once held such hope, is now just an ordinary day. It is your and Micah's day.
with love,
Susan

I ignore the world as best I can. Or tell it to fuck off. If I have to do something ordinary like grocery shopping or laundry, I do. But I also spend time reflecting or doing what is right for me (and in tandem with my husband).

I push and create whatever space I need. On Gabe's due date (which was months after losing him, so I was in a different place), I reminded people of him and donated to March of Dimes and asked people to do the same. And that was that. That is how I wanted to honor him and be with him.

And that is sometimes more important than other people and the world. Sending you love today.

No real experience to draw from but just wanted to say how much I'm sorry that you even have to deal with this day and not have your Micah in your arms. I hope that you find what's right for you to get through. Many hugs.

Nobody remembers that was the day I miscarried but me. And yes, that was a child - she had a name, even. But I didn't get to hold her, and since I had gone to a midwife we hadn't even had any kind of ultrasound or anything to remember her by. So I have, literally, the medical records of the D&C done to "rectify incomplete spontaneous abortion" to remember her. They put me under general anesthesia and when I woke up I had stopped bleeding. The only thing that keeps me from doing something stupid like drinking the day away is the fact that I tried that right after the miscarriage. I remember it because that particular incident still makes me wince. Downed a six pack of beer at a friends house followed by several various liquors and things. Couldn't get drunk, couldn't pass out, thought since my old boss was an alcoholic there might be something to it, figured not stopping at two beers might be worth a shot. Nothing. Turns out that's the one thing about my body that works nicely is the liver.