Hi friends,

First of all, I just wanted to thank all of you for keeping the light on for me (and everyone who visits here), it is really the only place I've found to actually have 'conversation' about baby loss. Thanks so much to you wonderful women and those who created this space.

Today I did my maternity session from my NILMDTS photographer. I was so nervous about how to 'be' for my pictures...but I think we got a nice mix of senstive pictures in remembering Will and yet hopeful pictures for Abby as well. I wanted to share with you all the sneakpeek my photographer gave me here with you...http://dreamingtreephotographyblog.blogspot.com/2010/02/fate-edwardsville-illinois-photographer.html

I completely understand many or all of you may not be in a place to want to view these pictures (my pregnancy is features, my son is in them), but I wanted to offer them nontheless. My photographer was an angel. In viewing them, I already feel just the slightest bit of peace knowing that we were able to honor Will.

I also wanted to share a little victory for myself. We went out for Chinese today, and OF COURSE, ran into well-meaning neighbors who had not heard our grim news (the word hasn't spread in our neighborhood yet). I could see it coming with one of them, the need to say something comforting and yet being tongue-tied. Well, she said it then: "You know, maybe it's for the best...you never know if he might have had a heart defect or something. Maybe God took him for that reason."

I smiled and said, "I like to think that God did not cause this, but allowed this to happen, and we may never know why. But we miss him desperately anyway, he was perfect to us." And then of course i burst into tears. I know she meant well, and because I feel like I was able to to speak up for myself I don't feel anger towards her.

My hubby gave me a high-five in the car on the way home and told me he was proud of me for speaking up to that 'feelbetterism', as we call it.

Small victories are nice, but bittersweet.

They're beautiful and a beautiful way to honour Will.

I didn't have any maternity shots because my pregnancy was so complicated but now I wish I had.

And good work for saying something. I always want to but never quite manage too.

Maddie x

Absolutely beautiful photographs.

I agree with Maddie. I always want to speak up for myself but never do.
I'm so glad you spoke up for your Will, of course he's perfect.

Beautiful beautiful photos.

And I'm so pleased that you could speak up so calmly and beautifully.

The photographer did a stunning job. There is very much the right blend there and I think the breadth of emotions you are feeling is beautifully captured. I am glad you did them, and have them. I only have one 'belly pic' from my pregnancy, taken the week before Gabriel was born. Because I'm obese, I had not expected to 'show' but was finding a more rounded and more prominent bump and we laughingly took it to see what our friends thought. I'm glad to have that, so I can only imagine how much you will treasure these.

These are beautiful - I hope they continue to bring you that slightest bit of peace.

Eve,
I want to tell you that I am amazed and inspired by your honesty when responding to your neighbor. Also, in your self-reflection and choice to speak. I think we have talked about our responses over the last couple of weeks and it seems you thought and considered and were true to yourself and so very true to Will. Thank you for finding a flow of truth in this chaos and being brave enough to speak. I hope to do the same.
warmly,
Susan

Eve, they are just gorgeous, what an incredible treasure, and what a wonderful gift to be given. I'm so happy you spoke up too, I think people who don't know grief need to understand that it's never "better to have lost them", never ever. Maybe next time she'll think to say something more introspective, a little more sensitive and appropriate. Love to you honey, thinking about you in our house...

Your pictures are beautiful Eve, a wonderful treasure to have in the coming weeks, months and years. I too have lost a twin and you wouldn't believe the things people will say to you often with good intentions, but that will hurt you to the core. I've had many, many awkward and painful moments where people dismissed Calvin's life because "At least you still have your daughter..." Good for you for speaking up for your soul, your heart and most of all for Will. He deserves to be honoured as he is obviously very much loved and wanted. I wish I could hug you...