I never dreamt of Gabriel when I was pregnant. It sort of bothered me, but I brushed it off. I didn't really dream of him after the loss either, though I had some nightmares about the hospital. Once or twice, he flitted into my dreams, but it was as a presence more than a person I could see.

But just recently, I did dream of him. While I took a nap today (home sick from work), I dreamed that we made a deal when he was born early, that he could live if we gave him up for adoption and maybe we could have him back again someday, so we did that. And it was several years later and we were being the given the chance to have him again. He was maybe 4 or 5 and I saw him. For the first time, I really got to look at him and drink him in. I've had impressions in the past of how he would look at certain ages, but this time, it was really him, you know?

And he understood why we had made the deal we made, and he still loved us. And we spent several afternoons together over the course of my dream, doing things, talking, watching him. He smiled and laughed, and I can still feel him in my arms, hugging me as I hugged him.

I'm a little sorry to have woken up, even though I knew even in the dream it wasn't real.

Eliza: What a beautiful, beautiful dream. There is so much peace and love it. To me, it says that your son's spirit knows how loved he will always be. Do you think your dream signifies some sort of acceptance on your part?

It is funny that you raise this question. I recently read about Jizo, the Buddhist "saint" that watches over children who have been lost in pregnancy. I bought a tiny jizo statute on-line and received it yesterday. Last night, I put it on the night table next to my bed and willed it to help me dream about my Juliet. It didn't happen... but the little statute is bringing me much peace.

I would love to one day have a dream like yours, just to get a glimpse of Juliet.

I hope that you and Gabriel share many more lovely dreams together.

I didn't dream about Matilda when I was pregnant but not that long after she died, I had a dream where we had a baby in our bed with us and she was kissing us. I'm not sure if it was Matilda (this baby was blonde and she had dark hair) but it gave me a feeling of peace and love (before I woke up and starting crying). I've only had the one but wish I could have more.

Instead I've had recurring dreams of drowning and my husband leaving me. And here's what my dream dictionary tells me about those dreams:

Drowning - For example, it can represent your fear of being overwhelmed by powerful emotions that you have not yet managed to integrate into your waking life, or suggest that you feel inadequate to cope with a stressful social situation.

Water - For example, deep water tends to suggest either danger (the risk of drowning in our emotions) or a desire to explore the depths of some feelings or emotional situation. Flowing water tends to suggest change and movement in our emotional live

Abandonment - Dreaming of being abandoned suggests that you are experiencing feelings of being unloved, unwanted and emotionally isolated to the point where you have difficulty focusing on any future success in your life. ... Try viewing abandonment dreams as a sign of release and your need to move forward in a positive manner.

I hope Gabriel can visit your dreams again.

Maddie x

Oh Maddie, I'm sorry. I used to have recurring drowning dream (it's been a few months since the last one - before Gabriel was born) and would hold my breath while I was sleeping until I couldn't do it anymore and take a huge gulp of water and be slammed back into my bed, awake, gasping.

I am sorry anyone else ever has to have dreams like that. I hope your dreams take a turn for the better soon.

Eliza, what a beautiful dream. I never dreamed of the twins either and have not dreamt of Will as of yet, though lately I have this mental image of him as a little boy with blue eyes and curly dark hair (my son, Sam, is green eyed with sandy blonde/brown). I'd like to think that God gave me that vision. I yearn to see how he might've looked, even as he lays in me now. I fear it might be too late for us already to try to get a 3D scan image of his body in me, as Will has been gone 3 1/2 weeks now.

Maddie, your dreams sound like classic 'out of control' dreams. I used to be plagued with nightmares that tornados were chasing me when I was younger. Sometimes I get them when I'm particularly stressed out still.

I had a dream last week that I had an inoperable brain tumor...it was so very real. And I remember feeling so very, very sad that I was either going to have to die and say goodbye to my living son or live and say goodbye to my dead one. I woke up happy to not be in sucha dillemma.

I did dream of the boys when I was pregnant, what they would look like and it was actually before I knew they were boys. I had a vivid one of them in their cribs about 1 year old - all red hair and feety jammies. When they died, I dreamed of crying babies but I couldn't find them. I would run from room to room and search for them but I would never find them. Therapist had a field day with that one. And as a special bonus, it was reoccurring. I got the pleasure of seaching for my babies night after night until finally, the doctor said I needed to a good nights' rest or I was going end up in the loony bin and gave me some sleeping pills. That dream went away after about a year.

I did have a dream about a year ago of a little girl baby. Dark hair, light eyes in pink jammies. I found out I was pregnant a couple days later and I miscarried 3 weeks after that. I have consistently dreamed of girl children since the boys died but never any other boys...I don't know what it means...It hurts though and usually leaves me in a tailspin for the day.